Thursday, November 6, 2008

something on my mind, bothering me.

something's on my mind which has been bothering me.
i do treat my good friends as who they are meant to be.
but, am i being treated otherwise?
there's a few things which makes me feel like they are sort of using me.
one, the tips for the exams, for chem, theesy and i were running about to get the tips.
as for physics, i was the only one there.
getting it for everyone else.
also, we're gonna get the spm slip on monday.
everyone is left guessing here and there whether is it friday or whatever.
NOBODY took the initiative to just pick up the bloody phone to call.
you know what?
i asked my mum for our school's number, had to talk to the lady who didn't understand a single shit i was saying, and she told me to just come to school.
practically no help at all.
so, i took the second move to call mr. ravi and asking for his number from her.
i called him and got the answer to something that everyone left in question marks.
"when are the spm slips coming out? or is it even out yet?"
he replied, "no. it's only going to be distributed on monday."
was it THAT hard to just find out?
why must it always be me finding out all these things and let you all know?
i'm so sick of being the one to be pushed to whenever there's trouble.
even when pn karamjit and i had an arguement over sarah earlier this year, all of you had super huge mouths to bad mouth her in front of me.
some, even louder than me.
why is it when pn karamjit asked who was in favor of my suggestion, all you just kept quiet?
pushing me to fight this war alone, everytime.
i've been keeping quiet for so long.
it scars me.
now, the latest one is that pp has the tips from another source and she stays in kota damansara, you see.
she messaged me this, "woman. pp here. my dad juz caled d andrew choo tis aftnon. D tips wil arive tis sat. my dad goin to hlp u photostat. N u come my houz juz take it n tats ur's. Bt u ned to hlp others to photostat."
i was like, whatthehell.
why am i the one going all the way to her place and photostating it to everyone and distributing it?
i don't mind going all the way there and taking for my own.
but why is it that i'm like some messenger and the tips are just well, 'delivery fees'.
what am i?
i feel so used, you know.
i don't know whether am i thinking too much, or is this really happening.
whatever it is, it's stated in my mind.